South Park movie re-enactments
by IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch
Summary: Your favorite South Park characters re-enact different movies. First Movie is Star Wars, followed by the first half of The Lion King. UPDATE!/ My laptop went screwy shortly after the last update so updates will be longer.
1. Star Wars

**This holiday season! For a limited time only!**

_*cue Star Wars theme_

**All of the six original un-raped Star Wars films will be re-released in cinemas before being remade into shit!**

_*scene shows Butters dressed as Professor Chaos with gold tinfoil standing beside Timmy who's wearing a bucket on his head. The duo are walking through a desert landscape._

"Ah, well, gee-wiz R2 do you think we should really be out here all alone? I mean what if we're trespassing on someone's property without knowing about it? They might get real mad and start hollerin at us."

"Timmah!" replies R2-Tim2.

"Well gee, I never thought of it that way but what if were in inhospitable territory? What if no-one inhabits this planet? What do we do if theres nothing on tv but repeats?"

"Livnalie Timmy!"

A few seconds later a number of kindergarteners wearing hoods jump out from behind rocks and start firing lasers at the droids. CP3Butters runs away screaming while R2 says:

"Timma!"

**With lovable hero's!**

_* Craig (as Luke Skywalker) is hanging upside down from an icy caverns ceiling whilst trying to use the force to retrieve his lightsaber when suddenly a disgusting monster walks in!_

"Mah names June an you look likes you would go well with sgetti n butter! You can say what you want but mah weight makes me sassy child!"

"Aaaaahh!"

Craig Skywalker suddenly grabs his lightsaber and slices through June's arm causing the behemoth the run off.

_*Scene now shows Stan Solo and Jewbaca shooting at some stormtroopers._

"Jewie behind you!"

"Gawrara!

Jewie turns and smacks a stormtrooper with a knife who was sneaking up on him.

"Good work Jewie!"

"Gaaaar-*cough* hack *cough*-man I really need a throat lasagne and a glass of water."

_*Scene now shows Wendy in a skimpy outfit choking Cartman with her chains._

"Don't you know its wrong to objectify women like that!" Wendy punches Fatass the Hutt several times in the face causing him to cry out.

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaammmm! Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmm! Mooooommmmmy!"

Liane Cartman suddenly pokes her head around the door "Yes hun?"

"She's choking me!"

Thats nice hun. Auto-erotic-asphyxiation is actually how you were conceived."

Mrs Cartman leaves while Fatass still cries out: "Meeeheem! Seriously get the fuck back in here and respect mah goddamn authoritah!"

**And of course some of the most memorable villains in history!**

Craig and Kevin are battling it out but both are equally skilled...or so Craig thinks! Kevin has actually been going easy on him and now cuts off Craig's hand causing the younger one to cry out in pain. Kevin starts to chuckle.

"Nobody ever told you about your fathers death, he was mentioned to you hundreds of times but no one ever told you how he died."

"Randy Wan Kenobi told me..." Craig's eyes narrow in hatred "He told me you killed him!"

"No... I am your father!"

"No." said Craig in a small voice "No. No it can't be. It can't be true! YOUR LYING!"

"Search your feelings, you know it to be true."

_*Scene switches to show Terrance Mephesto talking to Kevin._

"Something something something something-"

"Jesus christ this is bullshit! I'm going to get a coke, call me when you've actually got something interesting to say." With that said Kevin walks out of the room.

**And of course... the BEST Star Wars character EVER!... PIP PIP!**

Pip dressed as Jar Jar waves at the camera.

"Hello, my name is Phillip Pirrup but everyone calls me Pip Pip Assface because they hate me..."

_*Scene switches to show Craig Skywalker, Princess Wendy, Stan Solo, Jewbaca, the droids and Pip Pip in the Millenium Falcon being pursued by Stormtrooper ships._

"Oh I say! This is a bit of a bother! How shall we get out of this one?"

"Shut up Pip Pip!" everyone yells unanimously.

_*Scene now shows our hero's in a swamp where they meet with Ike/Yoda for the first time._

"Who are you?" asks Craig.

"Cookie Monster!"

"Oh I say! What an odd fellow, I do hope-"

"Shut up Pip Pip!" everyone snaps angrily.

"Oh, right-o..."

"Elmo has an affair with sparkly vampire!" blurts out Ike.

_*Scene now shows Pip Pip and the others fighting all the villains minus Kevin._

"Excuse me but could one of you gents tell me where the loo is? I'm afraid I had too much tea and crumpets on the ride over here." says Pip Pip.

"Jesus Christ!" says Stan who is NBP'ing (nose bridge pinching).

"Pip for the love of God! Nobody drinks goddamn tea in space you French bastard!" snaps Fatass.

Pip Pip's eyes narrow at the French comment but before Pip Pip can respond Kevin walks into the room dressed as Spock from _Star Trek_.

"Hey guys I've been meaning to ask, can we do a Star Trek re-enactment next?"

For several long seconds nothing is said until...

"Kevin goddamnit. You wreck everything, every fucking time Kevin! Even Star Wars, one of your favourite films and you wreck it! Just...Jesus Kevin!" snaps Fatass.

After hearing these words a dejected Kevin walks away sadly as everyone else glares at him.

**So what are you waiting for? Go see this movie before a new shitty version comes out. Coming to a cinema near you!  
**

* * *

**Tell me what you think of this first chapter. This chapter was trailer based but I'll probably be making most future chapters different, I'll just show some of the more important scenes from that movie with SP characters.**


	2. The Lion King part 1

**A/N Try to imagine them all as antro's.**

As dawn breaks on the savannah a mighty lion stands on the precipice of a monolithic rock formation looking out at the vast lands that are his kingdom. The nocturnal insects and birds that are still making noise in the background are instantly silenced by the lions powerful and awe-inspiring roar. For several seconds there is silence until...

_Nants ingonyaama bagithi Baba!_

_Sith uhm ingonyaama!_

Token is obviously the one singing the opening because he's black.

As that black kid keeps singing more and more animals make their way toward Pride Rock, a famous landmark which is home to the resident pride of lions who happen to be the royal family.

_From the day we arrive on the planet_

_and blinking step in to the sun_

_There is more to be seen_

_than can ever be seen_

_More to do then can ever be done_

_In the circle of life!_

Kevin ( who is taking the place of Mufasa ) smiles as he hands baby Simba ( Stan ) to Rafreaky ( Mr Mackey ) *clears throat* sorry I meant to say Rafiki *mutters* damn toucan must've been tryin to change the script again. Mr Mackey takes the lion cub and walks to the edge of Pride Rock, many different animals take a step forward in anticipation however...

"Now I can't do this because dangling children off of sixty foot tall cliffs is bad, m' kay." After hearing this everyone turns to stare at a certain celebrity who currently lacks a nose.

"Now other things that are bad include drugs m'kay. You shouldn't do drugs, sell drugs or even look at drugs because their baaaad, m'kay." preaches the shaman "And that goes for alcohol and cigarettes too, m'kay. A lot of posers gather at supermarkets and walls and start passing a bottle around, m'kay, those people are posers, m'kay."

A number of animals start to get annoyed and roll their eyes or leave. Several animals suddenly pick up rocks and squirrels which they start to throw at Mr Mackey however none the objects all miss and land on Pip instead.

"And another thing thats bad m'kay is that film After Earth! I went to see that because the trailer looked good but that was a fucking piece of shit!" ranted Mr Mackey.

A few seconds later Zazu ( being played by Craig ) calmly walked over to the pride's shaman before taking baby Stan from him, after putting the baby down Craig proceeded to take a few steps back before running towards Mr Mackey, pushing the monkey over the edge of the cliff. Craig then proceeded peer over the edge to flip Mr Mackey off, followed by Kevin and then Stan. Finally the African music resumed as Craig picked up the baby and held him up for all to see.

_Its the circle of liiiife!_

_And it moves us all!_

_Through despair and hope!_

Craig noticed a few animals staring at him before whispering to each other. He immediately retaliated by letting go off Stan with one hand and flipping the animals off.

_Through faith and looove!_

_Till we find find our place!_

_On the path unwinding!_

Suddenly the cynical hornbill noticed a certain noseless celebrity trying to mimic him by holding a struggling Blanket up towards the sky.

"Look Blanket your an airplane! Weeeeee!"

Craig frowned before switching hands and flipped the celebrity off.

_Its the circle!_

_The circle of *GASP* HOLY SHIT!_

Craig had unfortunately been so busy flipping people off that his grip had considerably loosened on the lion cub and now the kitten was plummeting towards the ground at a rapid pace. fortunately the cub landed on his feet like all cats do.

Craig uncaringly flipped a very pissed Kevin off before saying "Seriously there's a reason why less than half of your species reaches the age of two years old."

Several months later and Stan had grown into an adventurous cub with a passion for exploring. His best friend and future wife and cousin was also with him she was just like him only with less of an ego and more of a brain. They had currently tricked their babysitter, Craig the giant negative Nancy, and had sang a musical number of epic proportions which resulted in the carnivorous bird being sat on by Mister Slave *shudder*. Nuff. Said.

"Ha! I knew we could do it! I am a genius!" smirked Stan.

"Hey _genius_ it was my idea! I suggested it weeks ago but you said it was stupid and didn't bring it up again until today!" snapped Wendy.

"Well it was _your_ idea" Stan admitted rather reluctantly "but _I _pulled it off!"

"Hey don't be trying to take credit for my-Oh my God is that Brian Boitano?"

"Where!?"

As soon as her BFF's head was turned Wendy pounced and attempted to pin the smaller male underneath her. The duo ended up rolling right off a cliff and right into a crater filled with a thick fog.

"Ha! Pinned ya!" bragged Wendy cockily.

A few seconds later a geyser erupted beside them causing the cubs to jump in fright. As their eyes grow accustomed to the darkness they realize that they are surrounded by the long dead bodies of elephants. The duo makes their way up a steep incline towards a particularly large elephant skull, they both peer over one of the tusks and overlook the bleary landscape.

"Woah...y'know we could get in a lot of trouble." said Wendy with a smirk.

"Yeah isn't it great!" Stan agreed enthusiastically.

Both carnivores are turn their attention to the ominous skull.

"I wonder if its brains are still in their?" asks Wendy with genuine curiosity.

"Lets go check it out!"

Stan only takes one step forward before a blue feathered negative Nancy jumps in front of him.

"Wrong!" snaps Craig "The only checking out you will do will be checking out of here!"

"Ppft! Hey Wendy, look, the annoying reject who gets shipped with a spastic blonde is scared." laughed Stan.

"Thats _mister _gets-shipped-with-a-spastic-blonde to you hairball and right now we are all in very real danger!"

"Ha! Danger I walk on the wild side! I LAUGH in the face of danger!" Stan stood right in front of the skull before bursting into cocky laughter "Bwahahaha!"

Then much everyone's horror more laughter comes from within the skull. Stan being the fearless king that he is immediately cowers behind his soon to be wife and .

Three scruffy looking anthropomorphic canines came out of the skull chuckling menacingly.

"Well, well, well" says Karen Mc Cormick with a menacing grin "What do we have here? Looks ta me like Rowan Atkinson and his two young friends took a wrong turn, should we help'm out?"

Her elder brother Kevin Mc Cormick chuckled before slurring "Help'em? Lets prosecute em for tresspassin! Whaddaya say brother?"

The middle childs words are muffled through his hood "Mmphmpmmppff!"

The three burst into cackles and surround their foes.

"Hey he flipped me off!" accused Kevin.

"No I didn't." says Craig before flipping the canine of again.

"Don't worry Wendy I know who to deal with these thugs." said Stan before clearing his throat "Hola. Me llamo Stan. Me friend. Me _amigo!_ Si homes dawg?"

"What are you doing?" asks Karen with a raised eyebrow.

"Hhhm. Apparently they don't speak Spanish." said Stan to his friend and baby-sitter while completely ignoreing the hyenas "Ok lets try again. Click click fucking Justin Bieber click!"

"What is he on about?" asked a seriously confused Karen.

"Mmmphfpffnm!" replied Kenny.

"Stan why did you try speaking Ethiopian to them?" asked Wendy.

"I thought the hyenas were supposed to represent minorities."

"!"

"Mmpfh!"

"..."

"...Sooo shouldn't you guys be cleaning hotel rooms or scrubbing toilets or something?" asked Stan.

Several seconds later...

"AAAAHHHHH!"

Stan and Wendy ran through the graveyard with the three pissed poor people running after them. Craig made the mistake of turning around to flip the trio off only to be snatched out of the air and stuck in a bubbling geyser that erupted moments later sending the poor avian blasting off into the sky and towards the Pridelands. After several more tiring minutes of running and a climb of a steep mountain made entirely of bones Stan and Wendy found themselves corned in a dark crevice.

"Stand back! I took karate lessons!"

Karen snorted "Oh yeah I'm sooo scared! Not!"

"Were not scared ha!" slurred Kevin.

"Quiet you!" snapped Karen giving her brother a slap upside the head.

"STOP! I didn't want to have to do this" Stan takes a deep breath "but if you don't let us go I will have no other option but to use the force to strangle you."

The hyenas burst out laughing as Stan closes his eyes makes all sorts of weird hand gestures.

_Peeeewww!_

"AAAH-!" _THUD._

"Oh my God they killed Kenny!"

"Bastard!"

Seconds later Kevin Stoley ran in with a light saber in hand and he swiftly dealt with the problem. Meanwhile somewhere, someplace a morbidly obese child was rolling his eyes and muttering the words "Goddammit Kevin!". Within seconds the two remaining poor people were held at saber-point as Kevin threatend them.

"Woah wait! Chillax Vader! Don't be a hater!" said Karen hastily, Kevin Mc Cormick tried to repeat their words but they came out as slurred whispers.

"If you _ever _come near my son again...!"

"Oh, oh this is your son! We had no idea! I mean if we had known we would've left him be cause no one messes with you!...Right Kev?"

"Der...but I thought we were supposed to kill'im an-Urf!" Karen had elbowed her idiot brother but it was to late.

"ARGH! YOU SCUM!" before Kevin could do harm to them the poor people screamed and ran away fast as lightning.

"Come...lets go home." said Kevin in a dangerously calm voice.

"Dad I-"

"We'll discuss it when we get back!" snapped Kevin.

An hour later and all three of the Mc Cormicks were licking their wounds. Kenny was in a particularly bad mood...but then he _had _had his head chopped off and that tends to make people a little grumpy.

"Mmphmphmm! Mmmppm!"

"Der, haha ha." chuckled Kevin.

"MHM! Mmamhammpf!"

"*snicker* hahaHa!"

"MMPFPM! Mmmmppffm!" snapped Kenny before lunging at his older brother.

The two scrambled around on the ground exchanging blows much to their sisters disgust.

"WILL you to KNOCK it off! Your givin me a migraine...jeez...no wonder were danglin at the bottom a'tha food chain!" she snapped whilst reflecting on how they had gone from three of the most wanted criminals in Prideland history to petty scavangers who relied on their incredibly "metro" ( *scoffs* yeah right ) boss for food.

"Mmmmhm omph fmm!" pointed out Kenny.

"Yeah lions are so ugly." agreed Kevin.

"And their voices are so annoying! Its like Jar Jar Binks and Justin Bieber had a drunken one night stand and their species is the result."

This joke lead to the trio laughing and rolling around on the floor.

"Oh surely were not all that bad." said a voice from a ledge high above them.

The trio jumped before realizing it was just the kings brother Professor Chaos.

"Oh Professor K y'almost gave me a heart attack." sighed Karen.

"Yeah! We thought you were someone more important and intimidating and not to mention important." said Kevin Mc Cormick with a slightly derped expression.

"_Yes, indeed." _said Chaos in a tone that clearly said "I WANT TO MURDER YOU!".

"So Chaos how your day." said Karen quickly. She hoped that by changing the subject the lion would forget about their earlier failure.

"Oooh it was perfect! First I went to the spa, I sat in a hot tub, then I got a pedicure. Oh! You'll never guess what Theresa told me! The new season of Sex and the City is out in only twenty eight more days! *sqeauls* Aren't you guys excited!"

Karen nudged Kenny and muttered "If Stoley and Stan acted more like him then this movie would be renamed the Lion Queen."

"I heard that!" snapped Chaos "And don't think I haven't forgotten about your failure!"

"Hey! You were the one who told us that Stoley would be nowhere near the graveyard when the attack happened!" pointed out Karen.

"Hey I don't want any backtalk from-Oh FUDGE! I broke a nail!" whined Chaos.

"Why do we even follow you?" questioned Kevin "You don't do anything about bitch and moan."

"I'll tell you why cause I'm the brains! And I'm royalty." here was when Chaos started to sing.

_I know that your powers of retention_

_are as wet as Honey Boo Boo's backside_

_But thick as you are pay attention!_

_My words are a matter of pride_

_Its clear from you vacant expressions_

_The lights are not all on upstairs_

_But we are talking kings and successions_

_Even you can't be caught unawares_

_So prepare for the chance of a lifetime_

_Be prepared for SENSATIONAL news_

"Ok seriously? Lets have a contest! Everytime Chaos does something gay, we drink!" Kevin burst into laughter at the brilliance of his idea only to be pushed roughly of a ledge by Chaos.

As the song continued Minorities, gingers and crab people crawled out of the shadows and amassed into a giant singing army. However at the end of the song Chaos encountered a problem that he had never dealt with before. He got stuck on a giant rock formation that had sprouted in a volcanic activity during his song.

"Waaaha ha! I wanna get down! Waaa!"

Karen sighed "Somebody get me a ladder."

"Nn meed." said Kenny who picked it up and lobbed it at the felines head. Chaos cried as he fell down to the ground.

"Oooh...my head...oh." groaned Chaos.

"Uh, Chaos on a scale of one to ten who ok are you?"

"Lululu I got some apples lululu ya got some to! Lululu lets get together" the song abruptly ended when Chaos threw up and foiled himself.

Looks like total domination was going to have to wait awhile.

**Don't panic people, this is part one of a two-parter. **

**Hhm...I think this chapter could've used more Butters...Maybe I'll re-edit it at some point and put in one of Scar's earlier scenes. **

**Cast:**

**Simba - Stan**

**Nala - Wendy**

**Mufasa - Kevin**

**Zazu - Craig**

**Hyenas - Mc Cormicks**

**Scar - Butters**

**Rafiki - Mr Mackey**

**Ok the next movie will either be Jurassic Park, Ted, or **_**Uung**_** the last airbender...which I'll have to probably watch on Netflix because I can't remember a thing about it. Seriously! I actually saw it less than a year ago and it was just so boring that my mind has actually blanked it out!. I briefly considered doing Twilight but I just can't. I actually did post a Twilight parody on this site where Bella fell in love with Stan but the story gave me a headache and I just got so incredibly fed up with it that I made the ending really sloppy. Just thinking about it makes my head hurt so NO. TWILIGHT. CHAPTERS. Ugh... I just can't... **

**I also thought of doing a separate several chapter Equestria Girls parody where Kyle gets turned into an Anime-styled teenage chick and has to go to high school.**


	3. Bad news

Hey everybody, my plan with this story was to update every Thursday but about an hour and a half after my last update my laptop broke down, this isn't the first time it happened *sighs* I hate it. So now I can only write on Weekends meaning updates won't be as quick as I had hoped. I'm going away this weekend so there probably won't be any update for over a week. Sorry about this but you have to understand: my laptop sucks harder than Tom Cruise in a room full of older men (buhzinga!)


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